


Off Switch

by kurikowo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 09:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27349192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurikowo/pseuds/kurikowo
Summary: Kozume Kenma is the brain of his team, but that doesn't mean he knows what's going on up there.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 110





	Off Switch

**Author's Note:**

> this may or may not be my way of venting... i'm sorry kenma.
> 
> slight spoiler warning for s4 ep17! it's a minor line.

When you're expected to be the brain of a powerhouse volleyball team, sometimes it becomes difficult to turn off your thoughts. Kozume Kenma was always thinking, always observing, always aware. 

Nothing was different in the early hours of the morning as he watched his best friend's chest rise and fall under the blanket next to him. The older boy had a tendency to cling on to whatever was nearest to him in his sleep, and that very thing had woken Kenma up hours before. He had opened his eyes to a messy head of black hair inches from his face and an arm on top of his chest.

But now he was awake. And he was thinking.

Weren't humans supposed to be pack animals? They crave the comfort and presence of others: they depended on it to release chemicals that would send positive signals around their brains. Kenma knew, as he guided the character around on his screen, that healthy people wanted those sorts of connections.

So why didn't he? He let out a frustrated sigh and dropped the game console on his lap.

"Kenma?" A voice came from the other side of the bed. The other side that was mere inches away.

"Sorry," the boy in question replied quietly. "Go back to sleep." As much as it seemed like he despised all other people, save for maybe Shoyo, Kenma truly cared for Kuroo and their other Nekoma teammates. 

Kuroo sat up and shook his head slightly. "What time is it? You should be sleeping." A quick glance at Kenma's bedside table offered that it was well into the early morning but not a time to be awake. 

"It's fine." Kenma picked his game back up and returned to the task of farming.

"No, did I wake you up?" The smaller boy responded with a gentle hum. "Oh. Sorry. What was it this time?"

"You were close. And your arm again."

Kuroo nodded and then shifted uncomfortably. "Can I ask you something?"

"Mhm," Kenma replied, not taking his eyes off of the game in his hands.

"Why are you so… aware?" Kuroo spoke so quietly that Kenma almost asked him to say it again.

"Aware?"

"Like… you always know when I accidentally touch you. And you flinch when people ask to hug you or when they wave their arm in front of your face or something."

Kenma gently set down his console on the nightstand and pulled his knees to his chest. "Do I?"

His best friend gave him and nod and said, "When Yaku raises his arm to hit Lev or something, you always flinch behind him or wherever you are. And I know you've fought with Yamomoto but that was… a spur of the moment thing, right?"

"It had been building up, I guess." Kuroo nodded his acknowledgement as he waited for his friend to continue. "I don't know why I flinch, I barely notice it."

"There's no reasons from your childhood?"

"I thought you were going to be a chemist, stop therapizing me."

"I'm trying to help you. And there are chemicals in your brain."

"Why?" Kenma shifted until he was laying down, head in his arms. "I didn't ask. Sorry." He heard the wince that Kuroo made and added an apology.

"It's okay. You're tired. Can I try something?" At the smaller boy's nod, Kuroo gently reached out and placed his hand on the other's shoulder.

Kenma jerked his head up and let out a quiet, "Oh."

"See?" Kuroo retracted his hand to return it to his lap. "Are you sure it's nothing from your childhood?"

"Besides normal Japanese parenting, I can't think of anything." With his friend's hand removed, Kenma returned back to laying on his arms.

"You seemed to be thinking when I woke up." Kenma nodded so Kuroo prompted him, "About what?"

Reluctantly, Kenma admitted, "People," making his friend let out a short laugh. 

"What people?"

"About human behaviour."

"Like sex?" Kuroo earned himself a whack on the head for that comment, the other boy having reached up from his position to reach. "Sorry, sorry… no, I'm not. It was funny."

Kenma fixed him with a glare and gave up on laying down to rotate onto his back and stare at the ceiling. "I was thinking of why they have the desire to be together."

"You mean romantically?" 

"Physically."

Kuroo sputtered and exclaimed loudly, "That is sex!" A second passed. "Ow!"

Kenma continued glaring at the taller boy and hissed, "My parents are asleep! You can't yell about sex! They'll be suspicious!"

"They have no reason to be!"

"Shut up! Let me explain myself," Kenma huffed.

"Fine, but it better be good. Otherwise I'm gonna keep yelling about sex."

"Okay, virgin." Kenma let a giggle slip out as Kuroo turned an interesting shade of red and mumbled something about wanting to focus on school. He sobered quickly and began, "I just don't understand how people can stand basic physical contact. I find it weird to even high-five people, much less hug them. With the team I tolerate it so I don't seem different, but… sometimes it bothers me."

Kenma continued in a much quieter voice with, "Thinking about the concept of being held seems nice, but then thinking of the action itself feels wrong." He looked up shyly now, teasing demeanor gone, and held Kuroo's eyes for a lingering moment. "It's almost like I think I don't deserve it."

"Do you want a hug right now?" Kuroo blurted out, eyes widening quickly.

"Wha- no? I just said I don't think I deserve them." Kenma paused to continue in barely a whisper, "And I'm a little bit afraid that I'll never let go."

"What was that?"

"I'm… afraid I won't let go," Kenma said, slightly louder this time. 

Kuroo breathed out a soft, "Kenma…" and turned to face his small friend completely. "Come here," he continued, arms held open.

The other regarded him for a moment and sighed almost imperceptibly. Kenma slowly sat up and shifted towards his friend, which wasn't very far considering the small-ish bed and the fact that Kuroo was well over 180cm, until he could lean his head forward to rest on Kuroo's chest.

"Come on, that's not a hug."

Kenma spoke into his friend's chest, "It's enough."

"No," Kuroo insisted. "I'm trying to help you, Kenma. Look at me." When the pudding-head glanced up, Kuroo grabbed his chin gently with one hand, creating a flutter in Kenma's stomach. "Do you think this is enough because you're scared or because you wouldn't let go?"

Eyes closed, refusing to make eye contact, Kenma answered, "Both."

That was enough for Kuroo, who immediately let go of Kenma's face to pull him into his lap. Kenma let out a soft sound of surprise and Kuroo felt the boy who was now in his lap tense up.

"It's okay, Kenma, I've got you. You don't have to let go." Kuroo rested his chin on the other's head and wrapped his arms around the boy, who relaxed infinitesimally. 

"Why do you care about me?" Kenma mumbled.

"You're my best friend. Why else?" Kuroo replied honestly.

"I'm a mess. I don't even know what the hell is wrong with me."

"Nobody knows what's wrong with them, kitten." The name slipped out and Kuroo felt Kenma tense his entire body again, but he made no motion to leave Kuroo's hold.

Kuroo strained to hear Kenma's response of, "You have stupid hair and an addiction to chemistry," but laughed when he registered he insult.

Smiling slightly still, "You just know me too well. It's why we're best friends."

"You've said that twice."

"Am I wrong?"

"I guess not." Kenma relaxed again and unwound his arms from around his own body in order to clasp them together around Kuroo's back. "Is this okay?"

"It's fine for me."

"Okay." The two sat in silence for an unmeasured amount of time, the only noise around them being bugs and birds awakening in the early morning outside. If Kuroo's back started to ache from sitting up straight, he made no indication of it. 

Just when Kuroo suspected that Kenma had fallen asleep, he spoke up. "I think I know why I'm broken."

Kuroo was quick to reassure, "You're not broken."

"But I am. Just… listen for a minute." Kenma withdrew his arms and twisted his body to orient his back against Kuroo's chest, the elder also moving to accommodate him. "When I was younger, before I met you, before I had friends, my parents would… say things. I'd fail at simple tasks or chores and they'd call me a worthless child." Kuroo drew in a breath but before he had the chance to speak his displeasure Kenma continued. "They never meant anything malicious by it, I'm sure, but I still remember. When I met you, it was easier to ignore them because I wasn't useless anymore. I had a purpose- to be your friend. Now, the memories can't affect me because I have a bigger purpose. I'm Nekoma's brain and you all depend on me. So I don't feel worthless."

Kuroo tightened his arms that had been resting on Kenma's chest and drew the boy impossibly closer. "Kenma, I hope you know that we all value you as more than our setter."

"Why do you keep saying my name?"

"Oh. When I stop focusing, I think about my name and it helps me to remind myself that I'm a person that exists. Does it bother you?"

"No, it's okay. And I know. But my brain doesn't want me to believe it. Just like how you're… holding me now. My brain is telling me that you don't want to do this and you don't want me or you don't think I'm a good friend for not being able to just be normal even though normal has no true definition and I know that realistically my brain is all wrong but it's impossible to belie-"

"Stop, Kenma, you're rambling. I don't think I've ever heard you talk this much in a day unless it's about a game. Here." Kuroo moved to lean against the wall, taking Kenma with him. 

"'m sorry," Kenma mumbled.

"You have nothing to apologize for. Just, stop listening to your brain. It's wrong. I want this and I want you and I-" Kuroo stopped as he realised what both Kenma and himself had said. "Wait."

"I didn't mean it like that," Kenma offered quickly. "Not that much, at least," he resumed in a whisper that was lost.

"Oh." Kuroo sounded dejected and dropped his head to lightly tap against the wall. "That's okay."

Kenma twisted again, this time to look at the boy above him. "Did you mean it like that?"

"Define 'like that.'"

"You know what I mean."

"What if I don't?"

Kenma clambered out of Kuroo's lap and drew to his full height while kneeling. "You do," he accused.

"Maybe."   
  


"Kuroo Tetsurou, look at me." Gray met gold reluctantly.

"Maybe yes?" he offered, pulling an exasperated sigh out of Kenma. "Leave me alone! We're solving your problems with physical contact, not making fun of my emotional vulnerability!"

Kenma's features softened. "I'm okay now. I realised what my problem was and I let myself be held and I was able to let go. I'm okay."

"I still don't wanna talk about it," Kuroo pouted. "Plus you're still hurting from that!"

"But I wanna know," Kenma said, completely ignoring the second part of his friend's statement.

Kuroo blinked once, twice. He drew in a large breath and let it out. "Maybe yes, I meant it like… that."

"You have to say it."

"No!"

"Kuroo."

"Stop being mean."

"Tetsurou."

"No, you can't use that against me!"

"I just did."

Kuroo huffed, loudly, and gave in to Kenma's pleading eyes. "Fine. I… like you. In that way."

"Kuroo!" Kenma slapped the other boy's chest.

"I thought your parents were asleep! Be quiet! And don't physically abuse me!"

Kenma laughed quietly. "They're on the other side of the house anyways."

"Wait, you never responded to me!" Kuroo abandoned all pretense of volume control.

"You never asked a question," Kenma pointed out.

"Oh my g- Kozume Kenma- stop laughing!- do you like me?"

"Yes, Kuroo Tetsurou, I, Kozume Kenma, like you and your stupid annoying hair," Kenma managed through his giggling. "Even if I don't quite understand how human beings bond emotionally or physically, I think I liked being held like that by you," he finished when the laughter had subsided.

Kuroo, with a grin on his face, happily began explaining, "When humans experience touch, their brains release this thing called oxytocin, which is also known as the cuddle hormone- mmph." His explanation became cut short as he registered the touch of lips on his own.

"I hate chemistry," Kenma finally spoke when they broke apart.

"I don't know, I'd say that you and me have- okay, I won't even finish that." Kuroo smiled at the boy in front of him who now had a glare set on his face. "Kiss me again?"

"You deserve nothing from me."

Kuroo pouted. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

"Wasn't that the point of all this from the beginning?" Kenma questioned.

"What? Of course not! I just wanted to make my best friend feel better! This just happened to be the best case scenario."

"Well, I guess I have to say yes," Kenma sighed.

"You literally kissed me first," reminded Kuroo.

"Because I hate chemistry."

"You could have hit me like you have been doing."

"Shut up." A blush began spreading across Kenma's face. "Um, can we, you know…"

"Have sex?" Kuroo moved his eyebrows in a suggestive motion, earning him the whack on the head that he expected. "It was definitely funny that time. We'll get there."

Kenma rolled his eyes and pushed Kuroo down to where he had been laying before their entire conversation began and inserted himself into the raven-haired boy's arms. "This."

"Oh, this. Yeah, I like this," Kuroo smiled. He let his  _ boyfriend _ lay his head on his chest and he sighed contentedly. "Are you sure its okay with your brain?"

"Don't make me think right now. You're going to be my off switch." Kenma said into the material of Kuroo's shirt.

Still smiling, he responded with a gentle, "Okay."

Both boys drifted off to sleep eventually, and if Kenma's mother poked her head in on the two cuddled up together in bed, she didn't say anything.

**Author's Note:**

> kenma: i'd date you  
> kuroo: i'd date you too- wait  
> kenma: i didn't mean it like that  
> kuroo: oh... you didn't?  
> kenma: i mean... unless you wanted me to?


End file.
